so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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