There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
this will be a night to untag.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
