I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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