He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
