And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
