He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
