I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
