i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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