First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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