I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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