Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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