Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
