Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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