so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
do nipples grow back?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
