gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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