so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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