The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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