I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
