Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
