"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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