We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
