god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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