woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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