I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Never joke about your clitoris.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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