I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
