I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
