How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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