I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
