not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
