Can i not drive my cunt home
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
