So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
