So drunk its hurt
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
