I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
