Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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