There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
