i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
