I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
