I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
