god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
