so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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