i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
