You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
