Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
