covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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