Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
