Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
