To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
