she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
