party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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