i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
