I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i think i just lost a toe
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
