Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
