A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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